I've had mixed feelings about blogging about this for a while, but today I read on CNN how blogging can be compared to group therapy, which I agree with to a point. Also, since I made my blog private, I know that this won't be seen by people I don't want to see it.
Before I even start writing about it, I just want you to know that I'm not looking for sympathy, just advice and maybe some friendly support. And for any of the male-species that are reading this, I apologize in advance. I'm open about stuff, so if "girl stuff" makes you uncomfortable, stop reading now. So here I go.
6 and a half weeks ago I had a natural miscarriage. Don't freak out, it's okay. I'm okay with it. A little bummed I guess, but I didn't even know I was pregnant until I started to miscarry. It was a pretty early miscarriage, I was about 4 weeks along. I think that Heavenly Father knew that if it was going to happen, it needed to happen that way so I didn't get emotionally attached because I probably would have gotten pretty torn up about it had I been excited about my pregnancy. We haven't really been trying to get pregnant, but it has been on our minds. The miscarriage was painful, uncomfortable, emotional and confusing. I was up and down with my emotions for 10 days while it was going on and then I settled down and just pushed my feelings in the back of my head.
Until today.
Right now, I'm still waiting for my cycle to start. Apparantly it can take up to 8 weeks, but it's a really cruel trick of nature to have to wait and wait and wait...a couple days ago it hit me that I might be pregnant again, so I took a test this morning and it was negative. Part of me was relieved and part of me was sad, but as usual, I just swept that under the rug, which is the best thing for me to do at this point in time. I'm the kind of person who really needs to be in control of her life. I hate not knowing things and not planning things out, so this waiting game has really thrown an annoying stick in my path.
I've been a bit sad and crazy lately and my poor husband has gotten the worst of it. The sweet guy just looks at me in amazement when I go from hugging him to snapping at him in the same sentence. I've concluded with my medical expertise that this must be my hormones adjusting back to where they were before. I'm just frustrated with this whole experience. I know it's not supposed to be a pleasant one, but this is where you all come in:
Has anyone had any experience with this unfortunate predicament I'm in? I only know a couple friends who have had a miscarriage, so I'm up for any and all advice/support/knowlege that anyone can give me. Your thoughts are truly appreciated!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Unfortunate situation
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13 comments:
I'm so sorry....that would make my last comment pretty insensitive, wouldn't it? I apologize. I've had many friends go through miscarriages and one thing they all have had in common ... it wasn't easy. I remember a friend saying that after many weeks of agonizing over her miscarriage, her mom told her to "get over it"...but really, there is no time limit on the grieving that comes with miscarriage. Don't feel like you have to "get over it" in any particular timeframe and know that it's ok to grieve. LDS.org has some good articles on the topic, one in particular that I gave a friend a while back is this one:
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=e74427cd3f37b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
Please let us know if we can do anything to help. xoxo
I can't offer any advice, but I can offer support! You're in my thoughts and prayers. It's good to know the Lord's timing is best. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I'm so sorry! I've gone through this twice. We knew we were pregnant both times, but I don't think it makes it any easier. Once you find out you are or were pregnant, you get attatched! Even if you don't think you do, you do! The most important thing is that you have your husbands support and understanding! (as much understanding as he can give at least) Everyone takes a different amount of time to get through it. But your hormones ARE all over the place! I was a wreck for weeks with both of them! The phrase "everything happens for a reason" because much hated by me while I was going through them, but really it's true. I know it sucks to hear. But maybe this is just something leading you guys to know wheather or not you are ready for babies!
If you have any questions, just let me know!
Shannon-
I don't have much advice, but just wanted to let you know that I was here! I love this blogging thing because it makes me feel more attached and close to people, you will be in my prayers!
shannon, i'm so sorry, whether or not you knew you were pregnant, i totally understand how you would grieve and feel attached. i haven't had a miscarriage, but it sounds like you are where we were before i got pregnant. we weren't sure if we were ready, but it was on our minds. it turned out that we were "surprised" and so we just had to be ready. i think the Lord has his own way of preparing us to be mothers. whether its giving us the opportunity when we think we aren't ready, or whether its showing us how capable we are of loving something we've never met so that we know if we are ready. i've heard my mother-in-law tell a lot of friends how she dealt with her 2 miscarriages, by knowing that something was wrong with the baby and it's the lord's way of saving the baby from a painful life. in any case, thank you for talking so openly about it. it's a constant fear of women our age who are starting families and it really helps to hear that we aren't alone.
Shannon, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It can be so frustrating and VERY emotional. I have gone through it twice. Once before each of my pregnancies. I too have felt that feeling of relief mixed with sadness. It was actually right before this pregnancy and Holden was only 7 months old and I was not ready to be pregnant again.
When I miscarried, I felt I wasn't ready, but I was still so sad inside. It's so strange and weird how you can feel both extremes. I agree with the comments above, that the Lord prepares us and when it is supposed to happen, it will.
Although we are excited now for this pregnancy, it was also a surprise. (Let's just say we don't have that much luck with the pill- gonna try somethin' else the next time around...lol ) I have had my moments of doubts and fears- but in the end, again, the Lord knows us best and how to prepare us.
Also, agreed with the thought above, I guess I haven't hung on too long to the misfortune of miscarrying, because I am a believer that if something is wrong with the fetus, it is nature's way of taking care of things. I am lucky however to have had both miscarriages around 4-6 weeks. I think it would have been A LOT harder to deal with had I been farther along.
Shannon, just try to have patience with Heavenly Father and trust in him that he is preparing you and will always be watching over you.
The first miscarriage came and I didn't know if I was ready or not to have a baby, but I did think it was interesting the feelings of sadness I felt not being pregnant. For me, it kind of let me know that I was scared and unsure about entering an unknown phase in my life- but that because of the sadness I felt, I knew that when it did happen again, that although it would be a bit scary, I was ready for that next phase in my life.
Sorry if I got too personal, but I thought I would share my honest thoughts. I know each person is different and only you, Ogg and Heavenly Father know when the time is right. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. You are such a wonderful person and deserve all the happiness in the world! Love ya!
Shannon, I don't really have any advice either but I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
I haven't had a miscarriage, but I've had sisters, sister-in-laws, and friends that have. So, don't worry about the hormones - it's normal to be a wreck. And sadly, even after you are pregnant and deliver - you'll be the same. It's just one of those things that we, as woman, get to enjoy! Even though you didn't know, you still lost a little piece of you and Ogg. But it is true, miscarriages take place when there is something wrong with the baby so be glad that our bodies are so amazing that they can protect us and our little ones.
Both my sister and my friend got pregnant before they had a period again which was both exciting for them and scary because of the thoughts of going through the same thing again. Fortunately for them, all was well with the 2nd, immediate pregnancy. I wish you guys luck in that department! You guys will be great parents!
Oh Shan, I'm so sorry. I know you don't want sympathy, but I can't help it. I feel bad that I haven't seen your blog for awhile, I've been so busy! I hope you're doing ok, and that you and Oggie have success soon with a pregancy! Love ya!
I didn't know. I am so sorry! I can't relate on this in particular but I saw my mom go through it three times and my sister twice so I have seen how painful/emotional it can be.
You are perfectly normal to be going through such a wide range of emotions right now-heck, I have them and I don't even have an excuse. Ask my poor hubby. :) Ogg seems like such a great guy. I am sure he will be understanding.
Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help, even if it's just a listening ear.
Shannon,
Make an appointment with your gyno!
Shan- I'm so sorry I didn't get to talk much about this with you at the time... we were right in the middle of getting ready to move for the summer, but I want you to know that I was thinking about you a ton during this time... Hey, to look on the bright side (if you're up for it)... at least you have an excuse for being snappy at your husband...hahaha, that's supposed to be funny. I only say that cuz sometimes I'll snap at Alex, and there is absolutely no excuse in the world that can explain why I did. Boys have the simple life of not being so emotional...yet they have to deal with us crazies, and they have no clue how to! Ohhh, the life of being married! Isn't it wonderful! In all seriousness, as hard as it may be, like for you having to go through that experience of miscarrying, it really is a rewarding life. And these experiences...as hard as it is to say..help us to become stronger people! I hope you are doing ok about this now! I love you tons!
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